Planning a wedding is one of the most exciting and challenging times in a couple’s life. With so many details to manage, it’s easy to overlook some traditional wedding etiquette. Here’s a guide to help you navigate the social expectations and avoid common mistakes.
Expecting the brides parents to pay for everything
Unlike in the past, where the bride’s family was expected to foot the whole bill, they’re in no way obligated to now. Grooms’ parents and the couples themselves chip in nearly as often as brides’ parents do. Many couples split costs evenly with both sets of parents or even pay for the entire thing themselves. It all depends on you two and your families’ financial situations and preferences.
Invitations and RSVPs
Sending invitations too late or too early
Send your save-the-dates six to eight months before the wedding and formal invitations about eight weeks prior. This gives your guests ample time to plan.
Including parents names on the invitation
If your parents are paying for a majority of the wedding, proper wedding etiquette still stands—their names should appear on the invites. But if the couple is shouldering the financial burden, their parents’ names needn’t be included.
“Plus -Ones”
If you want and can afford to give all of your guests plus-ones, go for it. However, once you’ve invited all guests who must be considered package deals (spouses, engaged couples and couples who live together, or have been dating seriously for a year or more), you aren’t obligated to offer other single guests dates. The only exceptions to this rule are members of your wedding party and single guests who are coming from far away or really won’t know anyone there.
Don’t put your wedding registry information on the invitation.
If necessary, include a separate card in the invitation itself.
Selecting your wedding date
Keep in mind if it is a holiday weekend and be mindful of other religious holidays
Guest List Management
Over-inviting and then having to uninvite people due to space or budget constraints.
Create a realistic guest list from the start, considering your venue’s capacity and budget. Stick to your list to avoid hurt feelings and logistical nightmares. (Mention something about B list?)
Not making it clear whether children are invited.
Address invitations to the exact individuals invited, and if children are not included, politely mention it on your wedding website or by word of mouth. If you would rather people under 18 years old stay home or want a 21+ affair, state that in your wedding details. The awkward conversations are going to be worth it.
Ceremony Etiquette
Starting the ceremony late
Respect your guests’ time by starting your ceremony promptly. If there’s a significant delay, communicate this through groomsmen/bridesmaids or a pre-ceremony announcement.
Ceremony Timing
Don’t leave a big gap between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of cocktail hour. If the ceremony and the reception are in the same venue, time it so the bar opens and Hors d’oeuvres are passed as soon as guests leave the ceremony site. If they are at two different locations, do your best to minimize the in-between time.
Social Media Considerations
Don’t “overshare” wedding details. Keep some elements of your wedding a surprise for your guests. Encourage your guests to share their photos after the photographer has had a chance to post. If you prefer, create a sign stating it is an “unplugged ceremony” or “please no photos during ceremony”.
Reception Formalities
Not planning for the comfort of your guests
Provide adequate seating, shade and beverages if outdoors, and consider the comfort of older guests and those with mobility issues.
Cash Bars
Unacceptable. That’s all. Tip jars are also a no-no. The bartenders are working most likely working under contract and will be provided a service fee or gratuity from the caterer or bar service company.
Seating
Instead of haphazardly putting all of your single friends at the same table (which can feel like a forced blind date, especially if they don’t actually have anything in common), seat any single friends just as you will the rest of your guests: Based on whether or not they’ll get along. Group friends and family members based on similar interests.
Not acknowledging guests
In addition to making your way around to each table during the reception, take a moment to thank your guests during the ceremony or reception. A short, heartfelt speech expressing your gratitude goes a long way.
Provide free of charge transportation options to and from the wedding if necessary.
Feed your vendors
Gifts and Thank You Notes
Acknowledge gifts promptly.
Send thank you notes within three months of receiving a gift. Personalize each note to reflect your appreciation for the specific gift. Don’t forget to thank important people. Make a list of everyone who contributed to your wedding, including vendors, and ensure they receive a thank you note.
Remember, wedding etiquette is about respect and consideration for your guests, your partner, and yourselves. While it’s important to adhere to some traditional guidelines, your wedding should ultimately reflect your personality and values. By avoiding these common mistakes, you can ensure a smooth and memorable day for everyone involved. Happy planning!
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